Global Warming Caused by Extraterrestrials

I’d like to offer an olive branch to global warming proponents. I realize I offended some when I said they support genocide. I also realize people who believe they’ve been abducted by aliens get laughed at a lot. I didn’t mean to pile on. Let’s try to get past our differences and resolve things by recognizing some basic facts.

1) Skeptics are conspiracy theorists.
2) Global warming proponents believe they’ve been abducted by aliens.

One side believes global warming is real and aliens are visiting Earth. The other side believes humans aren’t causing dangerous amounts of global warming and believes in conspiracies. Why not compromise? I propose we all agree to the following position:

Dangerous amounts of global warming are happening, but it’s not caused by humans. It’s the results of an alien conspiracy to terraform Earth into something more habitable for their kind.

That settles all our differences. Warmists get to say dangerous global warming is happening. Skeptics get to say it’s not our fault. Warmists get to say aliens are abducting people. Skeptics get to say there’s a massive conspiracy. All of our beliefs are covered by this position.

Even the support for genocide by warmists fits in. They don’t support genocide because they think it’s okay to slaughter entire ethnic groups. They support it because they hate the alien invaders who are trying to take over our world. It may be something of an overreaction, but it’s one we can all understand.


I admit this position doesn’t quite explain all of our disagreements. There are some details we’ll need to hammer out. For example, we’ll want to work out why there are statistically significant correlations between being a global warming proponent and believing one has seen Bigfoot (0.12), has psychic powers (0.10) or supports human trafficking (0.13).

Still, I think it’s a good first step.

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